I apologize for not writing something funny about my auction adventures. Don’t feel real funny now. You see, a baby died this week.

It’s always awful when a baby dies, no matter what the circumstance. It happens so often all over the world, day in and day out, the mind gets numb and heart goes distant in self-protection.

I can’t distance myself from this one. Can’t let it go as just as another sad part of life. A foster mother murdered a baby in her care.

I was a foster mother. After Daughter #1 and Son grew up and mostly left home, the old man and I decided a few more kids couldn’t hurt. We went through the training and background checks, had our fingerprints run through the criminal databanks, had our home inspected and brought up to safety standards, and put together fire and tornado drills. After expending many man-hours and reams of paper, the State decreed us fit to foster children.

The old man, being the old man, decided that merely taking care of kids wasn’t enough. He started looking for kids to adopt. Me, being me, went along because it sounded like a good idea at the time. We found Daughter #2. At 14 years old, she was in foster care in another county. Two of her biological siblings had been adopted already, and another’s adoption was pending. The match looked good, so the child placement agency that certified us took over D2’s case, and she came to live with us as a foster-adopt. We entered phase two of being foster parents: working with the system. D2 had a caseworker, a GAL (guardian ad litem, an attorney assigned by the court), a school social worker, and a therapist. We had a home supervisor and the manager of the child placement agency. This network kept tabs on D2 and us, and offered support, suggestions and education.

Two months later we accepted an emergency placement. A teenager who’d been thrown out of her house and needed a temporary place to stay.

Here’s the problem with teenagers. Somebody has to be the guardian for a kid under the age of eighteen. If the kid is out of control or the parents are out of control, the State steps in. The child who enters foster care as a teenager (or has been in the system so long they turn into teenagers) is heavily damaged. It’s a rare foster parent who wants teenagers, and even rarer to find someone willing to adopt a teenager. The alternative for teens who can’t find homes is an RTC. That’s a residential treatment facility. I guess it’s better than living on the streets. I hope so.

The emergency placement became permanent, and so D3 was ours. A few months later, D3’s half-sister came to live with us, too. Daughter #4 was here to stay.

I’m not going into all the ups and downs of fostering three damaged, angry teenaged girls. We needed and used every bit of support the State and the child placement agency had to offer. Eventually we adopted all three so they can torment me into eternity. More importantly, they’ll always have a place to call home.

That’s what really gets to me about the murdered child. Mom’s a methhead who lost custody. Grandma was declared unfit to take in her grandchildren. Dad went to jail for beating up his methhead wife for abusing the children. So the State stepped in. They placed the baby with a foster mother who had been educated, inspected, background checked, interviewed and certified. A foster mother who had the support of the Department of Human Services and the child placement agency in the form of case workers, social workers, home supervisors, therapists and other professionals.

A foster mother who bashed in the baby’s skull.

When I go to the auctions, it never ceases to amaze me what people will sell and what people will buy. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes befuddling, and sometimes touching or even sad. But I never forget that it’s just things. Good things, weird things, valuable things, amusing things—but just things. It sickens me when kids are treated like things. By a mother who bargains away her maternal love for a few hits off a meth pipe, or a father who can’t control his temper or his fists, or a State that steps in because there is no other choice, or by a foster mother who, despite the huge network of professional support, kills a baby because it’s an annoying thing.

The State has charged the killer with first-degree murder. I have my fingers crossed that the State will never forget that baby was a living, breathing, precious life who deserved far better than to have her little body used, abused and murdered by those who considered her a thing.

© Jaye W Manus, 2007

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mrssteveometer wrote on October 19, 2007

Title: Wow I can see why you wrote this, Jaye ((big hugs)) report abuse vote down vote up Votes: +0

1ATIME2REMEMBER wrote on October 20, 2007

Title: Most Touching Jaye.. Here I sit with tears rolling down my cheek. How awful the content...how wonderful the writing...kind of still holding my breath, here. Jaye, I applaud your writing that is capable of making us laugh or cry. I appreciate your frank way of laying out the facts and debunking the fiction in regards to our flawed human nature. But, I commend you for MANY things in your commitment to your family. Well done (again) report abuse vote down vote up Votes: +0

BBB wrote on October 20, 2007

Title: Excellent article, Jaye [bYour article is very well-written and touching. I can't even begin to contemplate hurting a child... So sad. report abuse vote down vote up Votes: +0

heidimademedoit wrote on October 20, 2007

Title: Hey ma Just have to say Mom your writing never fails... Keep it up. Love Tristan report abuse vote down vote up Votes: +0

aswegrow2 wrote on October 21, 2007

Title: ... Makes you really wonder how those interviews and first peeks are enough criteria to allow an interviewer to access someone. I feel one criteria for foster or adoption should be "how you handle stress, not just your housekeeping or your finances". One of the most important things not even considered in the factoring if day to day pressures of life. Your children are blessed they having a home where there is love, honesty, and safety. Let alone some humor to (they say smiles can heal), But this is not an ideal world where babies no matter whose are left to defend for themselves. Society has failed are youngest and most innocent. To which we should be the most vigilant to care for! Thank you for writting and immortalizing that innocent child. Diane (aswe) report abuse vote down vote up Votes: +0

3811Buck wrote on October 23, 2007

Title: ... Now, I really didn't need to cry this morning. The boys are looking at me with big eyes probably wondering, "why is Mom crying over Social Studies?" I reach to hug both of them tight. I try to explain to the boys what happened - they just can't comprehend such evil in the world. Thank you Jaye, for grounding me a little this morning; for reminding me of what's important. It's sad what happens to some of our children. The world is a better place with you and your husband in it - thanks for being here. report abuse vote down vote up Votes: -1